hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
