terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
