As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
