she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
