So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
