i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
