i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
