wrigley field is MILF paradise
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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