I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
