i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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