I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
