He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to sanitize my soul.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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