I hate all girls vehemently.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
