I didn't shave. On purpose
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
