I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
