so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
