in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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