I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
