i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
