the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
