If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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