She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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