Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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