Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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