How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
