you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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