At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
