do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
