If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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