Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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