Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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