Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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