Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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