I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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