A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
