I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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