Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
