Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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