You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize