You're my little dorito
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
