I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
