Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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