when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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