I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
