I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
