No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
