dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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