who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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