Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
