Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
