Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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