I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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