____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
