You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize