On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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