I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
