At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your penis caused this!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
