This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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