It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
