My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
