It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The ass gains better be worth it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
