Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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