He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize