My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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