I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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