I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
