i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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