is your mom at the bar?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
