well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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