I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
