I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
