sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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