are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
