I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize