i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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