wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
