My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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