I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
