tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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