He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
