I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
