my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
