People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
