Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
