i love accidental penises.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
