ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
