dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
